Final Chemo (end of phase one)

My final chemo session seemed to come around very quickly.

In some ways the six sessions passed so much faster than I had imagined. At the start it seems such a long haul to get through. It truly seems so daunting and 18 weeks seems forever. I think because I was so busy with all of the hospital appointments and also trying to maintain some normal structure and routine by continuing to go to work, it suddenly arrived at the final session before I realised it.

The routine of the day was now so familiar. I still found myself becoming anxious for the few days before it and my sleep the night before was poor, probably a cocktail of the steroids and anxiety!

I was told in advance that the last chemo session would be a long day, as unlike all the previous sessions I was to have my bloods done that morning which would delay the process.

I was at the hospital for 8.30am and I went to have my bloods taken and have a cannulae inserted. This took a while as my veins were not enthusiastic about the experience (as per normal)! Several attempts and several very patient nurses later and they eventually found a vein.

We (Craig and I) were to wait for the blood results before meeting the Oncologist, so we ventured off for an hour to get coffee. inspect the cake selection and the partake in the now customary people watching.

We returned to the Chemo unit and met the Consultant Oncologist to discuss the previous session of chemo and what would happen following this session.

My bloods were fine and she confirmed that I would have chemo that day. We were informed that I would meet the Surgeon the following week to arrange dates and finalise the plan for surgery. The Oncologist also briefly discussed the potential start of Radiotherapy. This is normally approximately 6 weeks following surgery, but we would meet with her once my surgery had happened to discuss Radiotherapy in more detail. I suppose at this stage the surgery and Radiotherapy were just words to me I was still focused on my Chemo and wasn’t even starting to contemplate the next steps, this would rapidly change….

We were informed that there would be a delay for several hours, we used our time to visit my parents and have some lunch with them before returning to the hospital for the chemo session.

The chemo unit was frantic that day, so very very busy. We waited another hour before they were able to commence my chemo session. I fell asleep once the drugs were running through the IV bag, it had been such a long day and the anxiety and poor sleep had left me drained.

Click on this link for more information about Anxiety related to Chemotherapy treatment

After an hour the chemo had finished, ….. and that was it ….. I was done with that stage in this journey. I don’t know what I expected but there was no certificate or gold star to say I had successfully completed chemo…a total anti-climax to be honest. I suppose I really didn’t know what to feel or expect…. but I think it was more than this ………..

I said goodbye to the nurses and said “that’s me finished”, we had a couple of hugs and best wishes and left. They were focusing on the next person waiting for their chemo session. To me it felt so momentous that it was finished but no one there seemed to even notice….They are just so busy and I get that.

I have worked in the NHS since I graduated almost nineteen years ago. I know that the system is busy, stretched and there are limited resources and staffing; however, in this journey, in some cases I feel there is a lack of genuine empathy and care. This has surprised me and to be honest disappointed me.

 Is the service that stretched, underfunded, pushed for time, focused on the next patient, driven by statistics and by the numbers that in many cases it has lost sight of the HUMAN aspect of the job……..

Following the chemo session I had a couple of good days whilst still on the steroids, then the joint pains and fatigue began around 3 days after the treatment. The tiredness seemed worse with this final session, probably because I had less energy to start with!! I would feel fine and then suddenly be hit by an overwhelming wave of tiredness that would make me crawl to bed for the remainder of the day.

Click on this link for information about Fatigue related to Chemo treatment

This gradually began to wane around day 7 post treatment. As I began to get stronger again I returned to work gradually building up my hours. 

As I did so I began to contemplate the next phase of this experience.

For the first time since my initial chemo session, over five months ago, I began to really think about the fact that I would be having a Mastectomy in a month…and I truly wept. I suddenly became aware of the next step ……. and I resented it.