Happy Christmas!

We are taking a break from the blog for a few days to enjoy a quiet Christmas.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Christmas and a Peaceful New Year 

Adapting and accepting

A number of my posts have been focused on the chemotherapy treatments, its side effects and consequently the difficult side to this journey. 

The week of chemotherapy is pretty much a write off however, I consider the 2 weeks that follow a rebuilding time.

During the first rebuilding week my energy levels are a bit depleted.  I have still been going to work and gradually building up my hours over the week. Everything does take a little more time to complete, but being aware of this is half the battle. I know I can’t rush around as much as I normally would. For example, I need to leave more time to get ready for work in the morning, small things like walking back to the car park from my office to put more money on my car to avoid getting a parking ticket.

The second rebuilding week is as close to ‘my normal’ as possible.  I’ve found my mood is more upbeat during this week, I think this is because I feel at my most independent and self-sufficient. Even activities like going to work feel so good as I am maintaining a sense of normal structure and routine.

I still meet friends for coffee and go out for dinner. It’s good to have the normal things too, especially when so much is abnormal. I do find that simple things like meeting a friend for coffee or going shopping feel so special.  I have an almost euphoric feeling during the second rebuilding week. Energy levels are up, eating is near normal, mood is great, and “Lorna is back in the room”. It feels so good to feel that life is normal again!!

I started some Christmas shopping at the end of October (much to Craig’s horror) which is extremely unlike me (I normally do this the week before Christmas as I’m not the most organised!) This was simply so I wouldn’t have to compete in busy shops when my energy levels are depleting and it means I could pace myself with it all. The day I was in shopping was so much fun (I’m easily pleased!) it was great to feel strong and independent. It was a sense of FREEDOM from whats going on.

I wore my wig whilst I was shopping. I initially felt very aware of it and I was very focused on people’s reactions to me. However, no one was reacting or giving me any sense that they knew it was a wig. This then allowed me to relax a little. The only drawback with the wig in shops is the heat!! It is very warm and you do tend to overheat a little whilst wearing it. I don’t wear the wig to work or at home, I tend to wear a selection of hats. I feel much less distracted wearing hats than the wig.

At this stage I have accepted that the week of Chemo is written off and I do accept help, as frustrating as that can be. The next week is the start of my rebuilding. My immunity is at its lowest during days 10-14 post Chemo.

I have learnt to be careful and limit my exposure to potential infection during this period. I have also identified that it’s important for me to start building up my independence and seize the opportunities to regain this as quickly as possible, by doing little things like cooking dinner, doing some housework, shopping etc. 

The second rebuilding week is the point where I can enjoy the feeling of NORMALITY and I feel STRONGER, less reliant on people and more like LORNA BRIGGS. 

I hope this gives you an insight into the cycle of things and the ups and downs that are on this journey. 

Good news - small gains

You may remember that in the last blog post I was very unwell following chemo, I was rushed to hospital, I had a syringe driver inserted and was then sent home.

The next day the district nurses arrived to our house at 11am. They were very efficient and professional and had the syringe driver restocked with the medications in a matter of minutes. They came for the next three mornings. On the third morning I asked them to take the syringe driver down as I was feeling so much better; no nausea and I felt I could cope without it. 

My energy levels built up gradually over the next few days, alongside this my appetite was also beginning to improve.

I had a review ultrasound scan 6 days after the chemo session. The scan tracks any changes positive or negative in the tumours, (remember they have left markers in me for this purpose). This gives the Oncologist feedback as to how effective the Chemotherapy treatment is. 

On this occasion I was confident in putting on my gown correctly.

Click on this link for a reminder of the blog post about me being Master of Gowns

The nurse who accompanied me joked that “I’m sure you’re experienced in putting on the gowns by now…” Indeed…

I initially met with the Surgical doctor. She explained that I would have the scan and then meet her afterward. She gave me a thorough boob check as is now expected at these appointments!!

I sat briefly in the waiting area, it always shocks me how everyone is totally silent here. Approximately 15 women, all in gowns waiting for scans and mammograms. Normally in such a waiting room environment people chat to one another, compare the weather etc. BUT NEVER HERE.  Barely any eye contact with one another, at best a weak smile. We are all sitting processing our own thoughts I presume, it’s a very intense atmosphere.

I was called and went through to a side room, I lay on the couch and the Radiographer applied the cold gel to my breast and began to scan the tissue. She took measurements and brought in a Radiologist for confirmation of these. She showed me the scan and explained the detail of it, which I found really helpful to actually see for myself the detail of what keeps being discussed. This gives me the ability to mentally process and digest the information, and if at all possible helps puts me a little at ease.

SMALL GAINS

I changed into my clothes before meeting with the surgical consultant again.  She explained that the ultrasound scan showed a 30% REDUCTION in the size of one tumour and a 40% REDUCTION in the other tumour. 

This was such amazing news. I was recovering from an intolerable experience with the last chemo treatment, to know there had been such a significant effect after just 3 chemo sessions meant the bad days were worth putting up with. 

The scan result means they will continue with the remaining 3 Chemotherapy sessions. Had the outcome of the scans been less positive (no change or an increase in size) they may have decided to discontinue Chemo and proceed straight to surgery.

The positive outcome of the scan has helped to refocus me, and shown me that yes this is a truly unpleasant and exhausting challenge but it is worth the effort.  SMALL GAINS are being made and I will take them no matter what…J

Sickness and Insomnia....

I attended my 3^rd session of Chemo with my mum and dad. My husband Craig was unwell with a really nasty chest infection and was too unwell to accompany me. Due to my reduced immunity I was limiting the amount of time I spent in his company as I was at risk of picking up his chest infection. This was difficult for us both, but necessary.

I was assessed by the Oncologist at 9.30am. She reviewed how I had been over the past 3 weeks, asking about my general health and energy levels. She advised that I would be called to attend for a review ultrasound scan over the next few weeks, this would assess if the treatment was being effective.

The Chemo session went well though we had to wait from 10am until 1.30pm to start the treatment. The delays are frustrating at times, but at least I had company.  The treatment followed the same sequence as the first and second sessions. A series of six syringes delivered by a nurse over approximately an hour. This is the last session of the F.E.C drugs combination.

Click here for information about FEC combination

Once it was completed my parents drove me home. I took Cyclizine (anti-sickness drug) late afternoon to minimise the nausea. I’d taken the additional anti-sickness medications whilst in the hospital. I was feeling remarkably good and ate some soup my dad had made. I then went to bed early as I began to feel very tired, a side effect of the cyclizine is drowsiness.

At 10pm I began to feel sick, not just nauseated, I felt awful I leapt out of bed to run to the toilet to be sick….I didn’t make it.  I was sick everywhere, in the hallway, on the carpet, the walls, the bathroom door, the bathroom tiles. If nothing else I was thorough!!!

So whilst I clung to the toilet being sick, my poor unwell husband was mopping up the mess I had created.  The vomiting continued every hour throughout the night, Craig had the foresight to bring up a basin so I wouldn’t have to run the gauntlet every time.

Initially I tried to keep up my fluid intake but every sip of water caused me to be sick again. I began to avoid drinking anything in order to stop the vomiting and try to get some sleep. This didn’t really work, instead I started dry wretching as there wasn’t anything left in my stomach. I have honestly never experienced feeling as unwell as this (even looking back on all of my hangovers over the years!) I was physically exhausted, I was so tired, my abdominals ached, and I had no energy. Craig wasn’t much better, he was still unwell himself and had no sleep all night. He phoned the emergency Chemo advice line at 8.30am and advised them of my condition. The vomiting just wasn’t settling this time, I was at risk of becoming severely dehydrated. They advised him to put me into the car and bring me straight to hospital. 

He grabbed the emergency hospital bag and escorted me to the car. The basin stayed wedged on my lap for the 30 minute journey to the hospital.  I have minimal recollection of this journey other than focusing on trying not to be sick, unfortunately mind over matter was not so great as I was sick several times.

When we arrived at the Chemo unit I was directed into a side ward and allocated a bed. Several kidney dishes later, I was still being sick…The Nurses and the Doctor were absolutely AMAZING. Incredibly professional, prompt, empathetic, kind, thoughtful and funny.

Due to the dehydration my ‘difficult at the best of times veins’ were definitely in hiding, SIX  nurses later and no joy. Then…… to my rescue came a voice….. “Lorna what are you doing here?!” I looked up and was totally surprised to see a friend I had been at Girl Guides with when we were teenagers (unfortunately quite a long time a go!!). I hadn’t seen her since we were about 16 or 17. She asked could she try to find a vein, I said absolutely give it a go….first attempt and she found one. Thank you!!! The IV fluids were given via this. Then a syringe driver was set up sub-cutaneously straight into my tummy (running all the anti sickness medications I couldn’t keep down orally).  Almost instantly the vomiting stopped. Such a relief, I could actually sleep a bit. I did still felt quite nauseated for quite a while after the vomiting stopped.

Click on this link for information about syringe drivers 

I was managing to sip some water which was progress. However, I couldn’t contemplate solid food at this stage. About 1pm Craig brought me an ice lolly to try. It was possibly the best ice lolly ever…no exaggerating!!! If Carlsberg did ice lollies….. 

I dozed on and off for most of the afternoon, a second bag of IV fluids was erected and the syringe driver continued to do its relieving work.

At 4pm the Doctor came to review me. She inquired if I had eaten any food, I said an ice lolly!! She suggested I try a cup of tea and a rich tea biscuit before they made the decision whether I could go home or if I would need to stay in hospital that night. She arrived back  having personally made me a pot of tea and with a plate of 3 biscuits. I was determined I was going home so I drank the tea and ate the biscuits. It took time but I was a woman on a mission.

 At 5.30pm with the IV fluids discontinued, Craig and I headed home. Both physically and mentally exhausted. The syringe driver came with me and was to run for up to 5 days. Arrangements had been made by the hospital staff for District Nursing to come the next morning to reset the driver with medication for the next 24hrs.

After 41 hours of no sleep we arrived home, had a little food and both collapsed into bed….