Adapting and accepting

A number of my posts have been focused on the chemotherapy treatments, its side effects and consequently the difficult side to this journey. 

The week of chemotherapy is pretty much a write off however, I consider the 2 weeks that follow a rebuilding time.

During the first rebuilding week my energy levels are a bit depleted.  I have still been going to work and gradually building up my hours over the week. Everything does take a little more time to complete, but being aware of this is half the battle. I know I can’t rush around as much as I normally would. For example, I need to leave more time to get ready for work in the morning, small things like walking back to the car park from my office to put more money on my car to avoid getting a parking ticket.

The second rebuilding week is as close to ‘my normal’ as possible.  I’ve found my mood is more upbeat during this week, I think this is because I feel at my most independent and self-sufficient. Even activities like going to work feel so good as I am maintaining a sense of normal structure and routine.

I still meet friends for coffee and go out for dinner. It’s good to have the normal things too, especially when so much is abnormal. I do find that simple things like meeting a friend for coffee or going shopping feel so special.  I have an almost euphoric feeling during the second rebuilding week. Energy levels are up, eating is near normal, mood is great, and “Lorna is back in the room”. It feels so good to feel that life is normal again!!

I started some Christmas shopping at the end of October (much to Craig’s horror) which is extremely unlike me (I normally do this the week before Christmas as I’m not the most organised!) This was simply so I wouldn’t have to compete in busy shops when my energy levels are depleting and it means I could pace myself with it all. The day I was in shopping was so much fun (I’m easily pleased!) it was great to feel strong and independent. It was a sense of FREEDOM from whats going on.

I wore my wig whilst I was shopping. I initially felt very aware of it and I was very focused on people’s reactions to me. However, no one was reacting or giving me any sense that they knew it was a wig. This then allowed me to relax a little. The only drawback with the wig in shops is the heat!! It is very warm and you do tend to overheat a little whilst wearing it. I don’t wear the wig to work or at home, I tend to wear a selection of hats. I feel much less distracted wearing hats than the wig.

At this stage I have accepted that the week of Chemo is written off and I do accept help, as frustrating as that can be. The next week is the start of my rebuilding. My immunity is at its lowest during days 10-14 post Chemo.

I have learnt to be careful and limit my exposure to potential infection during this period. I have also identified that it’s important for me to start building up my independence and seize the opportunities to regain this as quickly as possible, by doing little things like cooking dinner, doing some housework, shopping etc. 

The second rebuilding week is the point where I can enjoy the feeling of NORMALITY and I feel STRONGER, less reliant on people and more like LORNA BRIGGS. 

I hope this gives you an insight into the cycle of things and the ups and downs that are on this journey.