Hair today ......... gone tomorrow!

My hair began to fall out about a week after my second chemo session. I brushed my hair and found a HUGE clump of hair in the brush. Even though I knew it was going to happen it still knocked me for six. I cried, it all seemed so truly unfair. Why is this happening to me. This thought does come and go through my brain at irregular intervals.

My response to the hair loss was that I stopped brushing my hair more than once a day, simply to reduce the speed at which I was losing it. I also stopped washing my hair as often. I knew that when it was washed a significant amount would fall out.

The realisation began to hit home, that I wasn’t going to be the lucky one who miraculously went through the Chemo process and managed NOT to lose my hair. I had been told about the Cold Cap technique used in some NHS hospitals to help minimise hair loss, however this isn’t available in the hospital I am attending.

I contacted a local hairdresser a friend had recommended who was experienced in cutting and styling wigs. Following a consultation with her we agreed that she would cut the wig shorter (if you remember from my previous blog post it was extremely long).  So Garth from Wayne's World was to be no more. Following this she would highlight it and then I would go back for a further appointment to have it styled and finished.

Letting go…..

Over the following week a dramatic change happened……large clumps of my hair fell out. Maybe I am in sync with the seasons, but as the trees were shedding their leaves, my hair was rapidly disappearing. My minimal brushing and washing of my hair was only delaying the inevitable.  I think I did this as I wasn’t ready to accept that my hair, a big part of who I see myself as was no longer going to be there. This was the part I struggled with most.  I don’t think of myself as a vain person, but as a woman your hair is part of how you see your femininity and I found it difficult to deal with this until I was forced to.

When the hairdresser contacted me to say that the wig was coloured and ready for a final cut and style I was sooo relieved. I would have hair again!!!!!! I had been wearing a multitude of baseball caps, beanie hats and woolly hats (all in fabulous colours) to disguise what was happening (thanks to all of you who have bought, knitted and crocheted hats for me).

The morning of the appointment I plucked up the courage and washed my hair, I remember being so overwhelmed with just how much hair was lying in the bottom of the bath. I called Craig up as I was feeling so emotional. 

After a HUGE HUG, he manfully wrestled the hair from the bath and disposed of it for me. I did not look good after the hair wash, in fact I looked horrific, so much worse than before. Much as I had lost a significant amount of hair, there still were long bits of hair all over my head but just very thinned out. I looked like an extreme Golem from Lord of the Rings…Not such a glamorous look let me tell you!!

At the hairdressers that afternoon I asked her to shave my head. It was so cathartic to have this done. She asked was I okay before she started, I think she was worried about me getting upset. I told her I was ready for it, all my crying about my hair was done and this was what I needed. I looked so much younger and so much better once this had happened.

She then put the wig on me so she could cut and style it. She did an amazing job. The colour and style is so much improved much less Garth from Wayne’s World blonde and more Holly Willloughby blonde!!

The hairdresser was so kind and thoughtful, without making me aware of it she had booked me into her final appointment of the day so the salon would be empty. I appreciated this so much as being bald for the first time in public is really unnerving, unsettling and just for me...... bloody weird.

So yes folks I now am bald, I look like the two year old version of myself (I had no hair aged 2 !!) I was born without any hair, nails, eyelashes or eyebrows…so obviously I am returning to this state! Eyelashes are much thinned out and eyebrows are thinning but holding on at the moment!! I’m not enjoying the cold weather as my head isn’t as insulated as it once was. I now have a greater appreciation for those of you that are follically challenged lol!

Me aged two!! As much hair as I have now lol!!

There are some positives to all of this hair loss…less time needed for getting ready, no bad hair days, saving money as no haircuts, colouring or waxing required, no need to shave your legs!! So always a silver lining!!!