It has taken
me a lot of time and deliberation to even
contemplate writing this blog post. In
my previous post I mentioned how whilst on holiday I had been incredibly
emotional, with lots of ugly crying. When I returned home from holiday I was
well rested but still crying unpredictably. I knew I wasn’t feeling myself. I
knew it wasn’t my mood as I was actually very positive and making steps towards
returning to work. However, I couldn’t stop the crying, it felt out of my
control which was increasingly frustrating. No matter what I tried I couldn’t
figure out why it was happening and therefore was unable to reduce or stop it.
When I am
employed as a Physio I work within a mental health team and regularly work with
people with depression, anxiety and mood issues. I was becoming a little
concerned that should I return to work I would end up crying whilst talking to
a patient…not the most professional behaviour and not ideal with patients who
are struggling with their own mental health issues!
I made the
decision to speak to a counsellor; I wanted to get the crying under MY control.
I wanted to be able move forwards, to take the next step which for me was
potentially returning to work. I didn’t deliberate over this decision to speak
to a counsellor, I simply knew I needed support from an outside source, someone
who could be objective.
Contacting
the counsellor was the one of BEST decisions I have made. In the first session
we talked about my emotional state and she suggested that I was going through a
grieving process. She felt I needed to give myself permission to cry?? Random I
know! However, incredibly after that first session I felt I was back in control
again. On the occasions when I did cry,
I said “it’s ok to cry” inwardly to myself and this would quickly stop me
crying. This makes going out in public much easier!! No streaky makeup or
running mascara! I found by doing this I was crying much less often and for
short bursts rather than the uncontrollable sobbing I had been prone to…I truly
am a charmer!
I have now
had several counselling sessions and am continuing to attend these. I feel I
have moved forwards so much compared to the Lorna who finished Radiotherapy 4
months ago. I am becoming emotionally stronger and more robust. I would be
lying if I said I don’t get upset anymore, however I feel I can manage this
now.
Counselling
really worked for me, but not everyone feels comfortable opening up and talking
to a stranger. It has to be the right fit individually for you. Maybe that is
talking to a friend, a relative. Just don’t keep all the emotions inside,
building up. Sometimes it helps if it’s someone who doesn’t know you.
This subject
shouldn’t be a difficult one to talk about, but it is. I am a fairly private
person so discussing this in a blog has been more challenging for me than
talking about boobs…that’s second nature at this stage!!!
I was very
fortunate to get the counselling sessions provided through Action Cancer.
Macmillan and Cancer Focus NI also provide counselling services to those with a
cancer diagnosis.
No comments:
Post a Comment