Apologies
for my absence over the past week I have been very unwell….more of that
later!!
In the last
post I discussed the Chemo education session.
The following day we were at the
hospital early to have an ECG and EEG to determine my heart function prior to
starting chemo. Next, my blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen saturations, height
and weight were checked.
This was to
be the first session of Chemo. I was nervous about how I was going to feel
after the treatment, I was also anxious to get the process started. We had
come so far along the journey with assessment and planning but we needed action
at this stage!
During the
few days prior to this we had been focused on preparing for the treatment and
its potential side effects. We had stocked the cupboards, cleaned the house top
to bottom, tied up most of the loose ends and were ready to get going.
We had
also talked a lot about the week ahead, both Craig and I and also with my
parents and sister. Part of this involved working out who would be with me over the days after
Chemo, (Craig was on the night shift) almost like a babysitting schedule!
I had all of the information from the
Chemo education session rattling round my head. It’s more than just having the
information, for me it was important to have processed this, to understand the
sequence of the chemo appointment and also to prepare myself for any or all of
the possible side effects. None of which are pleasant…..
I had an
appointment for 10am. We waited in the waiting area …and waited…and people
watched………..and waited some more. The clinic was so busy, a constant flow of
people. What surprised Craig and I was the huge range in ages of people
waiting. It is very true... Cancer does not discriminate. There was an elderly
lady sitting opposite us, she appeared to be there alone. She must have been in
her eighties, she was beautifully dressed, a gorgeous elegant coat, beautiful jewellery, gorgeous shoes and immaculate skin. She made me feel incredibly scruffy
in my jeans and hoodie!
At 12.20pm we met the oncologist. I felt butterflies in my tummy as I went in to see her. I probably was hungry by this stage but this was a nervous butterfly!
She told us
my bloods from the previous day were fine and all of the observations were fine
to commence chemo…..great…….BUT……
…not today……….SERIOUSLY!!!!!!
It was too
late at this stage to order the chemo drugs from pharmacy. I thought you have
to be kidding me. I sat in shock for a moment taking this in. She apologised
and said I would have to come back tomorrow to have the Chemo. In no way was
this the fault of any of the staff, in fact they were really apologetic. It’s
just the fact that the system is so busy.
However,
honestly I didn’t really look at it this way at the time. I was so disappointed.
Its a bit like when you are promised something and then it’s taken away. Now I
know you will probably have read this and be thinking, why the drama Lorna? you were going to be seen the next day.
It’s simply
the amount of unconscious and emotional preparation your body and mind go through in advance
of this session. That is actually the most draining. Knowing I was to have to
prepare myself all over again floored me.
This
progressed into a feeling of anger, why was I the one at the clinic not to have
my treatment. I had kept my side of the deal, I had attended early for my
appointment and was FIT enough to receive the chemo. We had been waiting almost
3 hours to be told NO! It was so frustrating.
Mentally drained, emotionally exhausted.... F***ING ANNOYED, I could go on..
It was to be
three consecutive hospital days that week!!.......
Is that
Marilyn Monroe?!!!!..............
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