DILEMMA

A major dilemma arose during the initial 2 weeks of my appointments. My parents were on holiday. They knew I was to go for the initial screening appointment at the Breast clinic however, much like me, I believe they thought it was going to be straight forward.

After I was told my diagnosis, I turned to my husband and my sister for support and advice. I cried on them, hugged them, swore at them and used their recall from all of the appointments to supplement mine (it’s amazing how little you remember of these momentous appointments).

I wanted and needed the ‘squeeze you so tight’ hugs from my dad and the thoughtful, gentle reassuring hug from my mum. But this wasn’t feasible over the phone.

The three of us decided that it was best not to tell mum and dad the outcome. I didn’t want to have to tell them the news over the phone, so difficult to say in person, but over the phone is so much worse. Also, they were on HOLIDAY, I didn’t want to be responsible for spoiling it. I knew they would worry and that they would want to be back home, which wasn’t going to be fair on them (what could they realistically do?)

In some ways it was as much to protect me as it was to protect them. I did feel incredibly guilty for not telling them. It was easier for me in some ways not to have to relay via text message all the information we were being bombarded with! I was mentally drained with all of the appointments and all of the various scans and investigations. Having to explain all this to them over a phone just seemed an exhausting prospect.

They must have a sixth sense, that, or the three of us shouldn’t contemplate a career change into espionage!

I remember mum sent a Whatsapp message to the family Whatsapp. What followed was a detailed study of the weather status in Northern Ireland that would surpass any weather forecaster on any day!! No wonder they were suspicious, we blatantly were ignoring the parts of their texts that mentioned me, tests and results!! All three of us had hastily replied with a detailed weather report pretty much simultaneously!!

They arrived home on the Thursday (1 week after diagnosis). We decided to leave telling them until the next day as they had been travelling and were bound to be tired.

Craig and I arranged to call with them that Friday afternoon. I was so nervous, almost like preparing to go into an exam. I knew that they wouldn’t be expecting the diagnosis even if they were suspicious about our odd behaviours! We decided the best way would be just to tell them straight away, a bit like ripping off a plaster.

I sat beside my mum holding her hand, Craig sat beside my dad. I surprised myself how calm I was whilst Craig told them. I think I had been saying 
‘I have breast cancer’ to myself but also to Craig and my sister so much over the two weeks that in some ways it had normalised it.  I just remember the shock on their faces and them really trying to hold things together. We had to remember that we were two weeks ahead of them, and try not overwhelm them with information.

To help bring them up to speed with 
things they came with Craig and I to the

next appointment. I think meeting the Breast clinic staff and hearing the diagnosis made it suddenly very real for them. 

I wrestled with this dilemma for several days, should I tell them shouldn't I tell them. I had to do what was best for me.

I am still glad that we decided to leave telling my mum and dad until they came home. 

I couldn’t have managed that phone call.

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