Boob Day - minus 1

I began the first day after my surgery by shuffling like an elderly lady to the bathroom!!

 My legs felt incredibly wobbly and I was carrying my 2 wound drains in my ‘good’ arm. My left arm felt so heavy and sore, there seemed to be so much swelling around my shoulder.  Any movement of my left arm was uncomfortable.  I knew I needed to get moving and really wanted a shower. I made it the short distance to the bathroom…. and then the juggling began…

I had been told not to get the dressing at the mastectomy site damp. A PICO dressing had been used at the surgery site, this is a vacuum dressing attached to a battery operated control unit. This was in place for 2 weeks, it has been found to reduce complications post op. 

Click on this link for more information about PICO dressing with mastectomy surgery 

I stood in the bathroom and began to take off my pyjamas.  I unbuttoned my top and for the first time I properly looked at my surgery site. It was covered in the dressing, but despite this it was obvious that things were very, very different now!!!

I thought seeing the change and missing a breast would have upset me, but to be honest I felt relieved that it was gone. Maybe I had already mentally detached myself from my breast over the months of tests and chemo.

I stood and showered extremely carefully, holding the shower head.  I had to position the drains on the shower chair so they wouldn’t pull out. Whilst balancing the PICU control unit on the top of my head under my hat to prevent it from getting soaked. Such a ridiculous sight!! I then began to dry myself again so carefully, no sudden movements and all very energy sapping. The part that was most challenging was dressing again. Trying to balance to put on my pyjama bottoms was a challenge, whilst the struggle I had to put on the compression stockings with one functioning arm was comical!! I shuffled back to my bed…exhausted, literally exhausted!

I felt I had achieved so much by having that shower. It sounds such a minor thing, but at the time it was major.  I didn’t want help, I wanted to have some independence and control as there was so much I didn’t have control over at that point.

A little later that morning I was offered a single side room which I accepted gratefully, I knew I would have more privacy and it would be much less noisy!!

That afternoon the Physiotherapist called to teach me the arm and shoulder exercises I would need to practice to increase the movement at my shoulder.

She also taught me the arm massage technique I will now have to use daily for the rest of my life.

This is because I had all of the lymph nodes in my left armpit removed. Normally the fluid your body creates is redirected back into the body through the lymphatic system. 

This chain has now effectively been interrupted in my left arm and I will have to help it along every day. There is a high chance of developing lymphoedema following axillary clearance so I listened intently!  It did feel strange to be listening to a Physiotherapist advising me about the benefits of the exercises when this is normally me in my role.

Click on this link for more information about Simple Lymphatic Drainage

My days fell into a routine of waking at 6am for the nurses to check my obs then again at 8am for more pain relief. Breakfast, followed by my shuffle and shower. After this it was frequent repetitions of my shoulder exercises, sleep, pain relief, meals and lovely visits from Craig, my Parents and my Sister. I had hoped I would get home soon, but the surgeon requested I stay.

On the fourth day I was allowed home. The Breast specialist nurse removed one drain that morning, I would go home with one drain still in situ and this would be removed all being well in a week.  She asked me to cough whilst she removed it…I felt nothing as it was removed.

 Click on this link for more information about wound drains following Mastectomy surgery

Craig collected me that evening to take me home and after a delay getting my medications (miscommunication on the ward!) I was allowed to leave. I was weak and still tired but very happy to be home in my comfy, quiet bed and some uninterrupted sleep.

Surgery

The day of my surgery had arrived. I awoke early having slept very poorly, a combination of anxiety about what was ahead and the now ever present hot flushes (still present from the chemo). I had tea and toast at 5am and then tried to go back to sleep again. It worked, I did sleep until 9am.  I was not allowed to eat or drink anything after 6am so no breakfast!

Click on this link for information about mastectomy surgery

I had already packed a bag for the hospital, a quick check and we were off, we had to be there for 12pm.

My emotions were conflicted, feelings of anger, frustration, relief and a whole lot more…..

We went to the admissions ward and they directed me to a side room and the wait began. I was clerked in; they took my weight, blood pressure and heart rate. They inserted a cannulae into my hand and an anaesthetist came to talk me through the process that lay ahead.

After what seemed an endless wait I was issued with a surgical gown and was instructed to change. I continued to wait, about 5pm a nurse and porter came to wheel me down to the theatre.

I wish I could say I was strong and calm, but I wept the whole way…

Craig walked beside me. The poor porter tried to engage me in conversation, probably trying to help me settle, I wasn’t the most communicative with my snivelling responses!

Suddenly my bed stopped at a door and Craig wasn’t allowed any further with me. Again, I wish I could say I was calm and in control but I was crying so hard, I didn’t want him to leave me on my own. But he had to.

They wheeled me through to an area adjacent to the operating theatre, they confirmed my name and details and advised me the theatre was being cleaned following the previous surgery. I was left alone in this clinical area for what seemed like forever. It probably was only 20 minutes but time was moving very slowly for me. I was weeping to myself the breathing techniques I was trying weren’t calming me down. 

Click on this link for information about relaxing breathing techniques

My surgeon came to say hello and mark on my left breast with a marker pen the margins for the surgery.

It suddenly was very REAL.

After another wait on my own I was wheeled into the operating theatre, it was so spacious and there seemed to be so many more people than I was prepared for. They were all so gentle and kind, they could obviously see how emotional I was and I am sure I am not the first nor will I be the last to be like this.

They transferred me onto the surgical bed and they started to inject something into my cannulae. 

That was the last thing I recall.

I remember coming round and feeling totally spaced in the resus ward. I could hear the nurses talking in the background and was aware of them checking my obs. They asked me questions about my pain, I had a lot of discomfort around my left shoulder and arm. They gave me pain relief which really helped and then at 10.30pm I was transferred from this peaceful environment back up onto the ward…not so peaceful.

Click on this link for information about pain post mastectomy surgery

I was coming round to my new location, I was in a small side ward with another 3 patients. The lights were dimmed but there was a lot of noise. Most of this was coming from the elderly lady in the bed opposite mine. She was shouting and screaming and seemed incredibly agitated and confused. She was unsettling the elderly lady in the bed beside her who also started shouting.

It was a very loud, tiring and disturbed night.

The nurses were also anxious about the amount of swelling around my left shoulder and requested my surgeon come back to review me at 1am. She assessed me and encouraged me to start moving my arm a little. I slept a little, especially after the nurses moved the party animal in the bed in front of me to another bay. The regular checks of my blood pressure and Oxygen saturations and the discomfort made for an interrupted few hours.

Far too soon it was morning, I was extremely tired. The doctors’ round arrived and they checked the swelling at my shoulder. Again they were concerned and they discussed the need for me to go back to theatre. This would be decided by my surgeon when she reviewed me later in the morning. I really didn’t want to go back to theatre, I just hoped they were wrong.

My surgeon assessed me an hour later, and was happy that I would not need further surgery…such a relief.

The nurses came round with basins of water and I sat over the edge of the bed and washed my face. I felt tired and weak, but I wasn’t emotional any more.

The surgery was done, MY BREAST WAS GONE, (thanks Cancer) time to move on to the next stage…rehabilitation.